i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
