Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
