70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
