theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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