I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I will pee on everything he values.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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