I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
