So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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