I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
