I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dicks are not precious.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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