I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
