What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
