i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
