she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
