please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
