I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
