Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Randomize
