Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
