you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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