am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
