sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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