I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
