Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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