I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
