So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
