there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
