he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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