so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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