someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
