between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
God I need to hump something, right now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
