me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
