piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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