My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
