yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
