Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
