my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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