There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
