the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
