my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
