I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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