Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
