You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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