they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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