Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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