He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
