I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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