to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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