dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
