I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
