u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
As shirtless as possible
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
