You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
