That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
