so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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